


Someone to Protect

by On_Every_Spectrum



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ace Steve Rogers, Ace character, Activist Bucky Barnes, Activist Steve Rogers, Aro Steve Rogers, Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Character, Aromantic Author, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Steve Rogers, Asexual, Asexual Character, Asexual Steve Rogers, Boundaries, Caretaking, Coming Out, Consent, D/s, Dom/sub, Explicit Consent, Gay, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Character, Growing Up Together, Healthy Relationships, Kink, Kink Exploration, Kinky Author, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Non-Sexual Kink, Power Exchange, Power Play, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protests, Queer Author Writing a Queer Character, Queer Bucky Barnes, Queer Character, Queer Relationship, Queer Steve Rogers, Queer Themes, Queer author, Queerplatonic Relationships, Service, Service Bottom, Service Top, Switch Bucky Barnes, Switch Steve Rogers, Switching, Trans, Trans Author Writing a Trans Character, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Steve Rogers, ace - Freeform, ace author, aro author, aro character, asexual author, qpr, queer, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/On_Every_Spectrum/pseuds/On_Every_Spectrum
Summary: "In retrospect, Bucky thought that was the day he first developed a crush. Childish as it might have been. There was something in him that wanted to protect the slight angry kid Steve was.The history books seem to think Bucky got in a lot of fights on Steve's behalf. Both of them had a solid chuckle when they first learned that. Bucky was a pacifist, through and through.He didn't like fighting. As they grew older, he gave Steve no end of lectures for always doing it. Bucky protected Steve, but not with his fists."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 130





	Someone to Protect

**Author's Note:**

> Standard note, all of the characters' identities and experiences thereof are their own. However, they are informed by my own lived experiences as a trans, ace, and aro person and my involvement in those communities.

The first time Bucky met Steve, he was seven years old. Steve was six, but he looked all of about four. More than a head shorter than Bucky. Fists clenched at his sides, soiled pink dress hanging loosely off his small frame. Both knees scraped and what looked like a nasty cut on his cheek.

Bucky's first thought was "I like this kid." Immediately followed by the concern that came with being an older brother to three.

He brought Steve home that day. And, helped him get cleaned up. His ma was out with the little ones. Who knew where the hell his pa was. But, Bucky could wet a flannel and clean a scraped knee perfectly well.

He was less adept at getting Steve's ponytails back into place. None of his little siblings had long enough hair. Steve himself just pulled away with a scowl. "Leave it." He'd snarled, so Bucky had.

Yet, Steve softened up a bit when Bucky offered a large mug of tea, sweet with more sugar than Bucky's ma ever would have been okay with him using.

In retrospect, Bucky thought that was the day he first developed a crush. Childish as it might have been. There was something in him that wanted to protect the slight angry kid Steve was.

The history books seem to think Bucky got in a lot of fights on Steve's behalf. Both of them had a solid chuckle when they first learned that. Bucky was a pacifist, through and through. 

He didn't like fighting. As they grew older, he gave Steve no end of lectures for always doing it. Bucky protected Steve, but not with his fists.

He cleaned up his cuts and iced his bruises. Stayed up with him during fevers and got him to the hospital when his breathing dipped too low. He chided him into eating, even when he felt too tired to move.

Bucky protected Steve in every way he could. Simple as that.

And, Steve loved him fiercely. Every bit as much as Bucky loved him. And, so they grew up.

They were twelve the first time Steve told Bucky he was a boy. Sixteen when he finally started dressing like one.

When they were growing up, the adults in their lives had loved to comment on what a cute couple they'd make. Hoping Bucky could somehow mellow Steve out. Liking that his closeness to Steve made Bucky seem a little less queer.

That all changed when Steve started wearing trousers more days than not and shoving his thick hair up beneath a hat

When Steve and Bucky finally moved in together and Steve cut his hair short, that was the end of it. Bucky's parents were actually okay with Steve being a guy. They didn't quite get it, but they weren't really all that surprised. But, certainly, that meant there was no way Bucky could be attracted to him.

They were nineteen when Bucky told Steve how he felt. 

He'd always liked boys. But, he didn't know if Steve did too. Didn't know if he liked anyone really. Still, Steve was his best friend. This was the only thing he'd ever kept from him. And, that had never sat well with him.

When he did share, Steve gave him a long hard look. Contemplative. "You know, if you were anyone else I'd hate you for thinking I'm a girl." He commented, tone light and amused.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Like everyone hasn't always known I'm queer?" He forced a smile. It still felt weird saying it. He didn't have a lot of practice admitting it aloud. For all that he had known since he was about ten.

"I don't know if you are though?" He finally said, after a long silence. Just a hint of a question in the words. Feeling vulnerable and scared, but also genuinely safe. He trusted Steve. No matter what. And, that was worth a lot.

"I don't know either." Steve said finally, with the lilt in his tone that Bucky knew meant he felt vulnerable. Steve hated vulnerability. Felt like it made him weak.

Bucky disagreed. But, he respected how Steve felt. He gave him time.

"I don't know if I like ladies or fellas." He paused. "Or anyone." Bucky waited patiently. "I love you. I know that. I love you so much, Bucky. I just don't know if I do like that?" He trailed off.

Bucky waited until it was clear that he actually didn't have anything more to say this time. Carefully arranging his words. Not wanting to make Steve uncomfortable. Or pressure him.

"It's okay not to know how you feel." He said. "Hell, it's okay if you don't like anyone." 

Steve was his first priority. Always. Bucky would always be there to reassure him. Even if his own feelings were a mess because of it.

"I love you. 'Til the end of the line." He pulled Steve into a tight hug. "No matter what."

They didn't talk about it again. It didn't feel like a secret. Like they shied away from it. There just wasn't more to say. Not for almost a year.

Bucky was twenty when Steve asked him out.

Already hedging his words. "I still don't know that I like you like that. I don't think I feel that way about anyone." Bucky waited. He was good at waiting for Steve. "But, I love you and I trust you and I want to spend our lives together." He met Bucky's eyes. "I want something more than friendship. If you still want that too?"

Bucky took a moment, but only a moment. He loved Steve fully and completely and in every way he could. And, Steve loved him too. In every way he could. Their ways of loving were just different. And, that was okay by him.

"I do." He answered, full body and thrilled and so filled with love.

"I don't think I want to fuck." Steve stammered all at once. "I don't care if you do. With others. I really don't." And, Bucky could tell he was being honest. "It just sounds wrong to me. I think not just 'cause of this." He waved a hand across himself. "I don't actually hate my body."

"Okay." He said simply. "I don't ever want to do anything you don't want." He smiled softly. "I just want you." And, reached out in a gesture to take Steve's hand. "Is this okay?" Steve replied by placing a hand in his and squeezing.

And, so they were together. Together in their own way. Building meaning into it that was right for them. And, it was good.

Not a lot really changed. Bucky kept taking care of Steve. Steve keep wowing Bucky. They held hands some. Cuddled more. Went dancing at the queer bars when Steve was up for it. Not a lot changed. Still it was good. 

They loved one another.

They were twenty-two when they first tried kink.

Bucky fucked boys he met at the bars. And, got fucked in return more often than not. It was one of those boys, a lithe pretty boy who was more than happy to fuck Bucky, who'd first wanted to hold him down. And, Bucky was always happy to try something new.

Turned out he liked it. And, he liked holding the boy down and calling him his pretty lady too. When he got home that evening he settled down next to Steve. Who never slept when he ought to.

He was still up, sketch pad propped against his knees and candle lit. "I was waiting up for you." Steve protested at Bucky's slightly disapproving glance. Not even looking up.

"Like you wouldn't still be up whether I was out or not." He rolled his eyes. Then placed a light kiss on the top of Steve's head, wrapping an arm around him.

"Are you okay with talking about sex tonight?" He asked after a moment. Sometimes Steve was and sometimes he wasn't. Bucky always asked.

"Yeah. I think so. Why? Have a fun night?" He waggled his eyebrows, teasing.

"Mhmm. The best." Bucky agreed with emphasis. Steve chuckled. "We tried something new." Bucky continued."Well, new to me."

Steve waited. He wasn't as patient as Bucky, but he tried. And, was better with a sketchbook at hand. "The other fella held me down. And, I held him. It was nice. Fun and intimate and I thought we might like it?" He got the rest of his thoughts out in a rush.

Steve looked up, met his eyes. "I don't do sex?" He sounded inquisitive rather than defensive. He knew that Bucky wouldn't suggest that. "I know. And, if this would feel too much like it, we definitely don't ever hafta." Bucky rushed to reassure.

"Just, I was thinking not sex, just being held down. Or tied, you know, with rope. If we wanted. And, power?"

He paused, wanting to gauge Steve's expression. "I've always liked taking care of you."

"You want to be in charge of me or the other way around?" Steve asked, with nothing in his tone to give any indication how he felt about the whole matter.

"Either. Both?" Bucky said, with a bit of a hopeful shrug. "I like both sides of it." He shared. "I think I'd like being told what to do for you. And, I'd like telling you what to do. Either way I'd just want to take care of you."

"I think I'd like that too." Steve finally said after a thoughtful pause. "I think I'd like either side of it. Both sides " He smiled, a bit shy and vulnerable. "You know I like it when you take care of me?"

They took it slowly. Figured things out together. Steve said no genitals, no penetration. And, Bucky honestly hadn't even considered those things as possibilities. Steve didn't do sex.

Turned out Bucky liked being wrapped in Steve's rope. And, Steve liked tying people up. But, neither enjoyed it the other way around.

They both enjoyed being good for the other though. Both enjoyed being in charge.

Bucky liked to spoil Steve. Take care of him in ways Steve shrugged off when he wasn't being good for him.

Steve enjoyed telling Bucky what to do. Valued seeing just how much he liked being told. How sweetly he obeyed.

It was good. They had fun.

Everything was good until Bucky was drafted. And, then their world was turned upside down.

They knew it was a possibility. Of course they knew. But, Bucky was queer. And, not interested in hiding it. They didn't think the military would actually take him.

Turned out they were desperate enough for fit young men by then that they didn't care.

Steve had been trying to sign up for months at that point. But the military cared a bit more if the young man trying to sign up wasn't fit and didn't have all the same parts the other men did.

Steve was a fighter. And, they wouldn't let him fight.

Bucky was a pacifist. And, they were going to force him to.

It was wrong. 

Bucky shipped out and Steve was left behind. And, so Steve redoubled his efforts to get in. Trying in every possible place and manner he could come up with.

Eventually he met Erskine. And, he was desperate enough to get overseas. To join the fight. To be anywhere closer to Bucky. That he'd say yes to anything.

Honestly, the promise to turn him into the "perfect male specimen" was just a bonus.

He got through the training. Got selected. And, became Captain America.

He thought it might change more than it did. But, really, he just tripped over his own feet too often and accidentally broke things.

It took him longer to join the fight. When he did it was with Bucky by his side. And, things were okay. Not good, they were at war after all, but they felt right at least.

And, then Bucky fell. And, he crashed a plane into the ocean. And, he woke up a hundred years later in a world he didn't understand.

And, absolutely nothing was okay.

Steve cried. And, he fought. And, he slowly got his feet under him.

The Avengers helped. Sam helped. The internet was surprisingly useful once he figured out the basics.

He joined Tumblr about six months after he woke up. Mostly because he liked the art there. But, also because Clint kept sending him random posts about the Avengers.

He ended up finding a lot more than just art and Avengers fan posts.

He found language for himself. And, for Bucky. And, for what they were.

He hadn't missed the words when he didn't have them. He'd always defined himself on his own terms. No matter whether anyone else believed it or not. He was stubborn like that.

Still, trans and ace and aro were good words. And, the communities of people who used them were mostly pretty wonderful. He started to make friends, and those friends started to feel like family.

QPR and switch and service were good words too. He thought Bucky would have liked them. He wished he was there to explore this strange future world together.

When he first came out, he didn't realize what a big deal it was. He had no idea how well the US government had buried any hint anyone ever thought he was a girl. Had no idea that they'd even tried.

He responded to one of the endless interview questions about what he liked and didn't like and was surprised by in the future with an off hand comment about trans being a useful word. And, not one he'd had for himself before.

Within a few minutes it seemed like the entire internet had decided he must be a trans woman. Or they thought he was a confused old man and didn't know what trans actually meant.

He had a talk with the Avengers that evening. And, Tony set up a talk show interview for him the next day.

This time, he pulled out all of his new language. Explained that he was queer. A trans man. Ace and aro. Made it clear that none of that was new. That he always had been.

He never hid before. Only when he was trying to get into the military. Only because he had to.

It was good. The response was a bit overwhelming. Steve found himself a role model for the community he was just beginning to discover. And, honestly, it was incredible.

A middle school GSA at a school in New York sent him a letter asking him to come visit a meeting. The kids couldn't seem to believe it when he actually showed up.

Pictures ended up on social media, and the invitations were constant after that.

He couldn't make it to everything. But, he tried to go to one or two things a week. Especially things with kids. Or groups that wouldn't expect him.

He made a lot of connections. Learned a lot of history. Really enjoyed himself.

When Bucky came back, it was scary and hard and threw him back into a bad place. But, then he was back. As Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier.

And, they got to the be in the future together after all. They both still missed home. Missed their friends and the bars and Bucky's kid siblings.

Little Sarah, the baby, died eight years before Steve woke up. He'd looked her up.

Still, they had each other. And, that was worth a lot.

The first time Steve went to a protest after getting Bucky back, Bucky insisted on coming along to take care of him. Steve attended protests almost as frequently as he did queer events. 

Steve refrained from pointing out that he was 6"4' and literally Captain America. Nothing would mean that he didn't want Bucky to take care of him.

Bucky packed a bag of way more water bottles and protein bars than they could possibly need for themselves. Threw in some extra sun screen and a first aid kit. And, made himself popular by passing them out at the protest.

That evening the media talked about how surprising it was to see Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, feeding kids at protests. Steve and Bucky both had a good laugh over it.

"They better get used to it." Bucky continued amused. "A solid third of those people didn't bring any food or water themselves." He said with a faint hint of disapproval in his voice.

So, they made the news. Steve putting himself in between the protestors and the police. Yelling louder than anyone and helping to quiet the crowds when someone was talking. 

Bucky weaving through the crowds and passing out water and snacks. For being the first one there with a first aid kit and an idea what to do when things got rough. 

At the end of a protest, Steve pulled Bucky into a too warm hug. It was still summer and they'd been out in the sun for hours. He kissed him gently. "You always take such good care of people."

That afternoon when they got home, Bucky smiled sweetly and said "wanna be taken care of?" Steve knew exactly what he meant. "Yes, sir." He replied happily. It had been a long time.

Steve and Bucky were both careful with one another. They took things slowly. Didn't try to force their relationship back into what it had been. Still, gradually it grew. Into things it was before and things brand new.

It was nice. They were growing too. 

"Sometimes I think about how we got here and all I can think is wow." Steve spoke quietly one evening. Bucky's hand intertwined through his.

"Ya don't say." Bucky chuckled. "I can still remember that angry little boy in the pink dress I met so long ago."

"Over a century." Steve commented.

"Yeah. Over a century." Bucky looked over to Steve. "I felt so protective then." He smiled. "I still do now."

Steve looked back at him, smile soft and warm on his own face. "I needed a protector. Still do. And, I couldn't ask for a better one."

They both sat together for a long time that evening. Hand in hand. Letting the silence rest.


End file.
